Lesson 28 Explore 3: From Polygamist to A Better Husband | Bible Changes Lives

I grew up in Newcastle, New South Wales. I am the eldest of seven children born to a violent, alcoholic father and a violent mother. My mother abused me both physically and verbally. She repeatedly told me that I was bad and that I would be tormented in hellfire. Such threats terrified me.

The physical injuries my mother inflicted on me often caused me to miss school. At age 11, I was taken from my parents and placed first in a government institution and later in a convent. When I turned 14, I ran away from the convent. I did not want to go back home, so I lived on the streets of Kings Cross, a Sydney suburb.

While living on the streets, I became involved with drugs, alcohol, pornography, and prostitution. One experience really frightened me. I had been staying in the flat of a nightclub owner. One evening, two men came to see him. He sent me to the bedroom, but I could overhear their conversation. The club owner was making arrangements to sell me to these men. They were going to hide me aboard a cargo ship and take me to Japan to work in a bar. I panicked, jumped from the balcony, and ran for help.

I found a man who was visiting Sydney, and I explained my situation, hoping he would give me some money. Instead, he invited me to the place where he was staying so that I could take a shower and eat something. As things turned out, I never left. One year later, we were married.

When I began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, I experienced a range of emotions. I felt angry when I learned that Satan is the cause of evil; I had always been taught that it is God who makes us suffer. I felt great relief when I learned that he does not punish people in hellfire, a teaching that had terrified me for as long as I could remember.

I was impressed by how the Witnesses let the Bible affect their every decision. They live their faith. I was a difficult person, but no matter what I said or did, the Witnesses treated me with love and respect.

My greatest struggle has been with feelings of worthlessness. I had a real self-loathing, and these feelings persisted long after I was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I knew that I loved Jehovah, but I was convinced that he could never love someone like me.

A turning point came about 15 years after I was baptized. During a talk at a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses, the speaker referred to James 1:23, 24.

Those verses liken God’s Word to a mirror in which we can see ourselves the way Jehovah sees us. I began to wonder if what I saw in myself was different from what Jehovah saw. At first, I resisted this new idea. I still felt that loving me was too much to expect of Jehovah.

A few days later, I read a scripture that changed my life. The verse was Isaiah 1:18, where Jehovah is quoted as saying: “Come, now, you people, and let us set matters straight between us.... Though the sins of you people should prove to be as scarlet, they will be made white just like snow.”

I felt as if Jehovah were speaking to me, saying: “Come on, Vicky, let’s set matters straight between us. I know you, I know your sins, I know your heart-and I love you.”

I was unable to sleep that night. I still doubted that Jehovah could love me, but I began thinking about Jesus’ ransom sacrifice. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that Jehovah had been patient with me for so long, showing me that he loved me in so many ways. Yet, I was, in effect, saying to him: “Your love is not great enough to reach me. Your Son’s sacrifice is not enough to cover me.” It was as if I had been throwing the ransom back at Jehovah. But now, at last, by meditating on this gift of the ransom, I began to feel loved by Jehovah.

I feel clean, alive, and whole. My marriage has improved, and I am happy that I can use my experiences to help others. I am coming to feel ever closer to Jehovah.