Lesson 56 Explore 4: Settle Differences in a Spirit of Love | Study
Settle Differences in a Spirit of Love
“Keep peace with one another.”-
(Mark 9.50: Salt is fine, but if the salt ever loses its saltiness, with what will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and keep peace with one another.”)
SONGS: 39, 77
HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER?
• What counsel did Jesus give to help us handle differences in a spirit of love?
• What questions might a Christian ask himself when deciding how to settle differences with others?
• How can the three steps outlined at be used to resolve some conflicts?
(Matthew 18.15-17: “Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go and reveal his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.)
1, 2. What human struggles are featured in Genesis, and why is this of interest?
HAVE you ever thought about the personal conflicts recorded in the Bible? Consider just the first few chapters of Genesis. Cain kills Abel
(Genesis 4.3-8: After some time, Cain brought some fruits of the land as an offering to Jehovah. But Abel brought some firstlings of his flock, including their fat. While Jehovah looked with favor on Abel and on his offering, he did not look with any favor on Cain and on his offering. So Cain grew hot with anger and was dejected. Then Jehovah said to Cain: “Why are you so angry and dejected? If you turn to doing good, will you not be restored to favor? But if you do not turn to doing good, sin is crouching at the door, and its craving is to dominate you; but will you get the mastery over it?” After that Cain said to his brother Abel: “Let us go over into the field.” So while they were in the field, Cain assaulted his brother Abel and killed him.)
Lamech kills a young man for striking him
(Genesis 4.23: Then Lamech composed these words for his wives Adah and Zillah: “Hear my voice, you wives of Lamech; Give ear to my saying: A man I have killed for wounding me, Yes, a young man for striking me.)
the shepherds of Abraham (Abram) and Lot quarrel
(Genesis 13.5-7: Now Lot, who was traveling with Abram, also owned sheep, cattle, and tents. So the land did not allow for all of them to stay in the same place; their goods had become so many that they could no longer dwell together. As a result, a quarrel arose between the herders of Abram’s livestock and the herders of Lot’s livestock. (At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were dwelling in the land.))
Hagar despises Sarah (Sarai), who becomes upset with Abraham
(Genesis 16.3-6: After Abram had lived for ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram’s wife Sarai took her Egyptian servant Hagar and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. So he had relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When she realized that she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. At this Sarai said to Abram: “The injury done to me is your fault. I was the one who put my servant in your arms, but when she realized that she was pregnant, she began to despise me. May Jehovah judge between me and you.” So Abram said to Sarai: “Look! Your servant is under your authority. Do to her whatever you think is best.” Then Sarai humiliated her, and she ran away from her.)
Ishmael is against everyone and everyone’s hand is against him.-
(Genesis 16.12: He will be a wild donkey of a man. His hand will be against everyone, and everyone’s hand will be against him, and he will dwell opposite all his brothers.”)
2. Why does the Bible mention such conflicts? Well, one reason is that it helps imperfect humans learn why they need to keep peace. It also shows us the way we can do this. We benefit from reading Bible accounts about real people struggling with real problems. We learn about the results of their efforts and may thus be able to apply such points to some situations we encounter in life. Indeed, all of this helps us to consider how we should or should not deal with similar issues.-
(Romans 15.4: For all the things that were written beforehand were written for our instruction, so that through our endurance and through the comfort from the Scriptures we might have hope.)
3. What topics will this article cover?
3. This article will consider why Jehovah’s servants need to settle differences and how they can succeed in doing so. In addition, it will refer to Scriptural principles that can help them to deal with conflict and maintain good relations with their neighbor and with Jehovah God.
WHY GOD’S SERVANTS NEED TO SETTLE DIFFERENCES
4. What attitude spread throughout the world, and what has been the result?
4. Satan is primarily responsible for the strife and differences experienced by mankind. In Eden, his argument was that each individual can and should decide what is good and what is bad, doing so independent of God.
(Genesis 3.1-5: Now the serpent was the most cautious of all the wild animals of the field that Jehovah God had made. So it said to the woman: “Did God really say that you must not eat from every tree of the garden?” At this the woman said to the serpent: “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden. But God has said about the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden: ‘You must not eat from it, no, you must not touch it; otherwise you will die.’” At this the serpent said to the woman: “You certainly will not die. For God knows that in the very day you eat from it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and bad.”)
The fruits of such reasoning are plain to see. The world abounds with people and societies motivated by a spirit of independence that fosters pride, egotism, and rivalry. Anyone who allows himself to be swept along by this spirit is, in effect, accepting Satan’s argument that it is the course of wisdom to pursue one’s own interests regardless of how doing so may affect others. Such a selfish course leads to strife. And it is good for us to remember that “a man prone to anger stirs up strife; anyone disposed to rage commits many transgressions.”-
(Proverbs 29.22: A man prone to anger stirs up strife; Anyone disposed to rage commits many transgressions.)
5. How did Jesus teach people to handle disagreements?
5. In contrast, Jesus taught people to seek peace, even if such a course would seem detrimental to their own interests. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave excellent advice about handling disagreements or potential conflicts. For instance, he urged his disciples to be mild-tempered, to be peacemakers, to eliminate causes for anger, to settle matters quickly, and to love their enemies.-
(Matthew 5.5: “Happy are the mild-tempered, since they will inherit the earth.)
(Matthew 5.9: “Happy are the peacemakers, since they will be called sons of God.)
(Matthew 5.22: However, I say to you that everyone who continues wrathful with his brother will be accountable to the court of justice; and whoever addresses his brother with an unspeakable word of contempt will be accountable to the Supreme Court; whereas whoever says, ‘You despicable fool!’ will be liable to the fiery Gehenna.)
(Matthew 5.25: “Be quick to settle matters with your legal opponent, while you are with him on the way there, so that somehow the opponent may not turn you over to the judge, and the judge to the court attendant, and you get thrown into prison.)
(Matthew 5.44: However, I say to you: Continue to love your enemies and to pray for those who persecute you,)
6, 7. (a) Why is it important to settle personal differences promptly? (b) What questions should all of Jehovah’s people ask themselves?
6. Our efforts to serve God-through prayers, meeting attendance, field service, and other aspects of our worship-are in vain if we refuse to make peace with others.
(Mark 11.25: And when you stand praying, forgive whatever you have against anyone, so that your Father who is in the heavens may also forgive you your trespasses.”)
We cannot be friends of God unless we are willing to forgive the shortcomings of others.-Read
(Luke 11.4: And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is in debt to us; and do not bring us into temptation.’”)
(Ephesians 4.32: But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you.)
7. Every Christian needs to think carefully and honestly about being forgiving and having peaceful relations with others. Do you forgive fellow believers freely? Are you happy to fellowship with them? Jehovah expects his servants to be forgiving. If your conscience tells you that you have improvements to make in this regard, prayerfully seek Jehovah’s help in order to make them! Our heavenly Father will hear such humble prayers and answer them.-
(1 John 5.14, 15: And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that no matter what we ask according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us concerning whatever we are asking, we know that we are to have the things we ask for, since we have asked them of him.)
CAN YOU IGNORE AN OFFENSE?
8, 9. What should we do if we are offended?
8. Because all humans are imperfect, sooner or later someone is going to say or do something that will offend you. This is inevitable.
(Ecclesiastes 7.20: For there is no righteous man on earth who always does good and never sins.)
(Matthew 18.7: “Woe to the world because of the stumbling blocks! Of course, it is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come, but woe to the man through whom the stumbling block comes!)
How are you going to react? Consider what happened when the following situation developed: At a social gathering attended by some Witnesses, two brothers were greeted by a certain sister in a way that one of them considered inappropriate. When the two brothers were alone, the offended brother began to criticize the sister for what she had said. However, the other brother reminded him that she had served Jehovah loyally in difficult circumstances for 40 years; he was sure that she meant no harm. After considering this for a moment, the first brother responded, “You are right.” As a result, the issue went no further.
9. What does this experience show? The way you react to situations that have the potential for causing offense lies in your own hands. A loving person covers over minor transgressions.
Read Proverbs 10.12: Hatred is what stirs up contentions, But love covers over all transgressions.
Read 1 Peter 4.8: Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Jehovah considers it “beauty” on your part “to overlook an offense.”
(Proverbs 19.11: The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger, And it is beauty on his part to overlook an offense.)
(Ecclesiastes 7.9: Do not be quick to take offense, for the taking of offense lodges in the bosom of fools.)
So the first thing to ask yourself when somebody treats you in a way that could seem unkind or disrespectful is: ‘Can I overlook this? Do I really need to make an issue of it?’
10. (a) How did one sister at first react to criticism? (b) What Scriptural thought helped this sister to maintain her peace?
10. It may be challenging to treat criticism lightly. Take the case of a pioneer, whom we will call Lucy. Negative comments had been made about her ministry and her use of time. Upset, Lucy sought the counsel of mature brothers. She relates: “Their Scriptural advice helped me to maintain the right viewpoint of others’ opinions and to focus on who matters most-Jehovah.” Lucy was encouraged by reading
(Matthew 6.1-4: “Take care not to practice your righteousness in front of men to be noticed by them; otherwise you will have no reward with your Father who is in the heavens. So when you make gifts of mercy, do not blow a trumpet ahead of you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be glorified by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when making gifts of mercy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your gifts of mercy may be in secret. Then your Father who looks on in secret will repay you.)
(Read.) That passage reminded her that making Jehovah happy should be her goal. “Even if others make negative comments about my activity,” she says, “I remain happy, for I know that I am trying my best to receive Jehovah’s smile of approval.” After reaching this conclusion, Lucy wisely chose to overlook the negative remarks.
WHEN YOU CANNOT OVERLOOK AN OFFENSE
11, 12. (a) How should a Christian act if he believes that his brother “has something against” him? (b) What can we learn from the way Abraham handled a problem? (See opening picture.)
11. “We all stumble many times.”
(James 3.2: For we all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body.)
Suppose you learn that a brother was offended by something you said or did. What should you do? Jesus said: “If... you are bringing your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away. First make your peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift.”
(Matthew 5.23, 24: “If, then, you are bringing your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away. First make your peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift.)
In harmony with Jesus’ counsel, talk with your brother. Note what your objective should be. It is not to cast part of the blame on your brother but to admit your fault and make peace. Being at peace with our fellow worshippers is of utmost importance.
12. A Scriptural account in which God’s servants peacefully resolved a potentially divisive issue is the one mentioned earlier involving Abraham and his nephew Lot. Both men possessed livestock, and their shepherds apparently quarreled about grazing land. Eager to eliminate tensions, Abraham offered Lot first choice of the areas where their respective households would settle.
(Genesis 13.1, 2: Abram then went up out of Egypt to the Negeb, he and his wife and all that he had, together with Lot. Abram was very rich in livestock, silver, and gold.)
(Genesis 13.5-9: Now Lot, who was traveling with Abram, also owned sheep, cattle, and tents. So the land did not allow for all of them to stay in the same place; their goods had become so many that they could no longer dwell together. As a result, a quarrel arose between the herders of Abram’s livestock and the herders of Lot’s livestock. (At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were dwelling in the land.) So Abram said to Lot: “Please, there should be no quarreling between me and you and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers. Is not the whole land available to you? Please, separate from me. If you go to the left, then I will go to the right; but if you go to the right, then I will go to the left.”)
What a good example! Abraham sought peace, not his own interests. Did he lose out because of his generosity? Not at all. Immediately after this incident with Lot, Jehovah promised Abraham great blessings.
(Genesis 13.14-17: Jehovah said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him: “Raise your eyes, please, and look from the place where you are, to the north and south, east and west, because all the land that you see, I will give to you and your offspring as a lasting possession. And I will make your offspring like the dust particles of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust particles of the earth, then your offspring could be counted. Get up, travel through the length and breadth of the land, for to you I am going to give it.”)
God will never allow his servants to suffer lasting loss for acting in harmony with divine principles and settling differences in a spirit of love.
(Genesis 27.41-45: However, Esau harbored animosity against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him, and Esau kept saying in his heart: “The days of mourning for my father are getting closer. After that I am going to kill Jacob my brother.” When the words of her older son Esau were told to Rebekah, she at once sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him: “Look! Your brother Esau is planning to take revenge by killing you. Now, my son, do as I say. Get up and run away to my brother Laban at Haran. Dwell with him for a while until your brother’s rage calms down, until your brother’s anger toward you subsides and he forgets what you have done to him. Then I will send for you from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?”)
(Genesis 33.1-11: Now Jacob raised his eyes and saw Esau coming, and 400 men were with him. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female servants. He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children after them, and Rachel and Joseph behind them. Then he himself went ahead of them and bowed down to the earth seven times as he came near to his brother. But Esau ran to meet him, and he embraced him and kissed him, and they burst into tears. When he raised his eyes and saw the women and the children, he said: “Who are these with you?” to which he said: “The children with whom God has favored your servant.” At that the female servants came forward with their children and bowed down, and Leah too came forward with her children, and they bowed down. Then Joseph came forward with Rachel, and they bowed down. Esau said: “What is the purpose of all this camp of travelers that I have met?” He replied: “In order to find favor in the eyes of my lord.” Then Esau said: “I have a great many possessions, my brother. Keep what is yours.” However, Jacob said: “No, please. If I have found favor in your eyes, you must take my gift from my hand, because I brought it so that I could see your face. And I have seen your face as though seeing God’s face, in that you received me with pleasure. Take, please, the gift conveying my blessing that was brought to you, for God has favored me and I have everything I need.” And he continued to urge him, so that he took it.)
Joseph, with his brothers and Gideon, with the Ephraimites.
(Genesis 45.1-15: At this Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants. So he cried out: “Have everyone leave me!” No one else stayed with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers. Then he began to weep so loudly that the Egyptians heard it and Pharaoh’s house heard it. Finally Joseph said to his brothers: “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were unable to answer him at all, because they were astonished on account of him. So Joseph said to his brothers: “Come close to me, please.” With that they came close to him. Then he said: “I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. But now do not be upset and do not reproach one another because you sold me here; because God has sent me ahead of you for the preservation of life. This is the second year of the famine in the land, and there are yet five years in which there will be no plowing or harvest. But God sent me ahead of you in order to preserve for you a remnant on the earth and to keep you alive by a great deliverance. So, then, it was not you who sent me here, but it was the true God, in order to appoint me as chief adviser to Pharaoh and lord for all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. “Return quickly to my father, and you must say to him, ‘This is what your son Joseph has said: “God has appointed me lord over all Egypt. Come down to me. Do not delay. You must dwell in the land of Goshen, where you will be near me—you, your sons, your grandsons, your flocks, your herds, and everything you have. I will supply you with food there, for there are yet five years of famine. Otherwise, you and your house and everything you have will come to poverty.”’ You and my brother Benjamin can now see with your own eyes that I am really the one speaking to you. So you must tell my father about all my glory in Egypt and everything you have seen. Now hurry and bring my father down here.” Then he embraced his brother Benjamin and gave way to weeping, and Benjamin wept with his arms around his neck. And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers spoke with him.)
(Judges 8.1-3: Then the men of Ephraim said to him: “What have you done to us? Why did you not call us when you went to fight against Midian?” And they quarreled bitterly with him. But he said to them: “What have I done compared with you? Are not the gleanings of Ephraim better than the grape harvest of Abi-ezer? It was into your hand that God gave Midian’s princes Oreb and Zeeb, and what have I done compared with you?” When he spoke this way, they calmed down.)
Perhaps you can think of similar examples recorded elsewhere in the Bible. [End of footnote.]
13. How did one overseer react to harsh words, and what can we learn from his example?
13. Consider a modern-day situation. When the new overseer of a convention department phoned a brother to ask if he would be able to volunteer, the brother made a number of cutting remarks and hung up. He was nursing hurt feelings over his dealings with the previous overseer. The new overseer did not take offense at this outburst, but neither could he ignore it. An hour later, he called again, mentioning that they had not yet met, and he suggested that they resolve the issues together. A week later, the two met at a Kingdom Hall. After praying, they spoke for an hour, during which the brother told his story. After listening sympathetically, the overseer shared Scriptural observations, and the two brothers parted on good terms. Thereafter, the brother served at the convention and now thanks the overseer for having dealt with him calmly and kindly.
SHOULD YOU INVOLVE THE ELDERS?
14, 15. (a) When should we apply the counsel at Matthew 18:15-17? (b) What three steps did Jesus mention, and what should be our goal in applying them?
14. Most differences between Christians can and should be resolved privately by the individuals concerned. However, Jesus noted that some situations might require congregation involvement.
Read Matthew 18.15-17: “Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go and reveal his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.
What would be the outcome if an offender refused to listen to his brother, to witnesses, and to the congregation? He should be treated “just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.” Today, we would say that he should be disfellowshipped. The seriousness of this step indicates that the “sin” was not a small disagreement. Rather, it was
(1) a sin that could be settled between the individuals concerned but it was also (2) a sin serious enough to merit disfellowshipping if not settled. Such sins might involve a measure of fraud or might include damaging a person’s reputation through slander. The three steps Jesus outlined here are applicable only where these conditions exist. The offense did not include such a sin as adultery, homosexuality, apostasy, idolatry, or some other gross sin definitely requiring the attention of the congregation elders.
CAPTION: It may be necessary to reason with your brother more than once in order to gain him (See paragraph 15)
15. The aim of Jesus’ counsel was to help a brother in a spirit of love.
(Matthew 18.12-14: “What do you think? If a man has 100 sheep and one of them strays, will he not leave the 99 on the mountains and set out on a search for the one that is straying? And if he finds it, I certainly tell you, he rejoices more over it than over the 99 that have not strayed. Likewise, it is not a desirable thing to my Father who is in heaven for even one of these little ones to perish.)
First, an attempt should be made to resolve the issue without involving others. It may be necessary to reason with the sinner more than once. If that fails, talk to the offender in the company of witnesses to the wrongdoing or with others who can help to determine if a wrong has really been committed. If you succeed in resolving the issue with their help, you will have “gained your brother.” A matter should be referred to the elders only when repeated efforts to help the wrongdoer have failed.
16. What shows that following Jesus’ counsel is practical and loving?
16. Cases requiring that brothers go through all three steps outlined at
(Matthew 18.15-17: “Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go and reveal his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.)
are rare. That is encouraging, for it means that a solution is usually found before the situation reaches the point where an unrepentant sinner must be removed from the congregation. Often, the wrongdoer sees his error and corrects matters. The offended person may see that he no longer has a real reason to find fault and may prefer to forgive. Whatever the case, Jesus’ words indicate that the congregation should not get involved in disagreements prematurely. The elders may intervene only if the preceding two steps have been taken and if solid evidence can be produced to show clearly what has happened.
17. What blessings will we enjoy when we “seek peace” with one another?
17. As long as this system of things lasts, humans will be imperfect and will continue to offend others. The disciple James appropriately wrote: “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body.”
(James 3.2: For we all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body.)
In order to settle differences, we must earnestly “seek peace and pursue it.”
(Psalm 34.14: Turn away from what is bad and do what is good; Seek peace and pursue it.)
As peacemakers, we will enjoy a good relationship with our fellow believers and will promote the unity of the congregation.
(Psalm 133.1-3: Look! How good and how pleasant it is For brothers to dwell together in unity! It is like fine oil poured on the head That runs down the beard, Aaron’s beard, And runs down onto the collar of his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon That descends on the mountains of Zion. That is where Jehovah decreed his blessing —Life everlasting.)
Above all, we will have a good relationship with Jehovah, “the God who gives peace.”
(Romans 15.33: May the God who gives peace be with all of you. Amen.)
Such blessings are enjoyed by those who settle differences in a spirit of love.
[End of article.]